i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Come see our sink grown plant.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
