Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
