yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
