You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
