I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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