chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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