your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
