maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My vagina is officially offended.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
