Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
