if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
