I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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