so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
