dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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