He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
