sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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