If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
