probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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