..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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