yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
