im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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