If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
