Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I intend to get homeless drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
