Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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