My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
The beer is more important than you right now.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
