Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
