Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
