He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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