I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
COCAINE IS GR8
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
