he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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