here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
