I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
