does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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