She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Just high enough for therapy.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
