New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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