Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
