First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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