Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
