OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
We left the knife in your bed.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
