guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
