No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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