Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
