wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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