I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
