Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
