You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
