I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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