So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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