I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
