Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
