All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
