burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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