He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
