I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
