There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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