God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
