If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
